Lets Practice

You are meeting with a friend that is angry and she is telling the following story

She: I hate comming to this coffee shop. The other day and the waiter brought me the cold coffee. I was soo angry that I said that they were useless. Crazy how mediocre people can be at their job

  • ❌ You: Thats crazy, why would you call them useless? Is quite disrespectufil to say that to anyone, specially over cold coffee. (Ego)

  • ✅ You: Sounds like you get very angry when people don't do what they are supposed to do. Is their job after all. (Paraphrase)

She: Exactly, my mom used to say that "If you do something, you better do it right".

  • ❌ You: I remember one time, I went to the supermarket and a person called me a bitch in front of everyone because I bumb into her. Some people get angry for nothing. (Making the convo now about you)

  • ✅ You: Did she also got angry at you too when you didnt do things they way she expected? Did she expect a lot of things from you? (Open ended questions, go more deep, seeing beheind the curtains)

She: Yeah, she was sooo strict. I have to be good at school, be good at sports, have the perfect boyfriend, bee skinny. A lot of times I felt like it was never enough for her.

  • ❌ You: You get a message and you start reading it while at the same time pretending to listening (Lack of focus)

  • ✅ You: Woao, sounds like it was very difficult to be around her. Feeling like your not good enough is an awful feeling. (Paraphrasing, reflect emotiosn)

She: Yeah, now Im happy that we dont leave together anymore. My life was miserable with her.

  • ❌ You: So you are happy that you dont live with her anymore. Your life was miserable with her. You should know that your feelings are valid. (Not being genuine)

  • ✅ You: Do you think you can also put that same pressure on you or others? (More deep)

She: Yeah, that is one of my problems at work. I work so much that I dont have time for anything else. Also, I feel like everyone at work hates me. Im sure they all think Im a horrible bitch. I just want to be good at my job you know.

  • ❌ You: Ahh but see that you are doing the same to others what your mom did to you. Dont you see it. You are repeating her pattern. Of course people will call you a bitch. (Ego)

  • ✅ You: I think I can sympathize with that. I also want to be good at what I do. (Reflecting emotions)